How to maintain the flame in your relationship?
When you’re in a relationship, you can get bored. It’s almost inevitable. You are with the same person, you are doing the same things. In this article, we will talk about how to maintain the flame in your relationship
And that’s exactly what you wanted when you got together. Of security. Stability. No nasty surprises.
But the price to pay to satisfy our hunger for fidelity is very high: We give up the novelty. We only have one person. One relationship No exchange or refund.
Imagine that you have to give up all the clothes in your wardrobe, and keep only one. You can choose your favorite clothing, but you must wear them every day. How do you feel in a week? Will you still love it as much as when you chose it?
Humans are as hungry for novelty as for fidelity.
We want things to be the same, but different. We want what we have always had, but also what we have never tried.
The pleasure of novelty is evident at the beginning of a relationship when everything is new and wonderful.
For many couples, it will never be so exciting again. Even their tenth birthday is not comparable to the first date, where they were both nervous, excited and hopeful.
It’s the same with clothes. You could even say that the pleasure of having a new garment decreases from the moment you take out your credit card to pay for it. Now it’s just another piece of clothing in your closet. The novelty has disappeared.
In a relationship, you have to find the perfect balance between fidelity and novelty. Go too far in one direction, and it becomes boring. Go too far in the other direction, and it becomes unpredictable.
How to maintain this balance? Here are three suggestions to maintain the flame in your relationship.
1. No escape route.
Regularly criticize your choice by asking yourself: “Should I be in this relationship? Is he really good? »Limits the satisfaction you get from your relationship.
Studies show that when people have two options, they are less satisfied with their decision because they have the opportunity to change their minds afterward.
On the other hand, once you are stuck with your choice, you usually find ways to enjoy it.
For example, you need a new car. You hesitate between a Honda CRV and a Toyota Rav4. They seem equal. At least … until you buy one. Shortly after, you find yourself explaining to people why the one you chose is superior to the other.
It is a well-known psychological phenomenon. We convince ourselves (automatically and unconsciously) that we have made the right choice, but only once this choice is made, and that backtracking is no longer possible.
Here is another example. Someone gives you a new couch. You do not like it and you plan to replace it quickly. But after you sit on it every night for years, you hesitate to get rid of it.
The more time you spend with someone or something, a person or an object, the more your affection grows.
So go deeper into your relationship, and see if it changes anything. Stop focusing on things that do not work. Concentrate instead on how to ensure that it works.
2. Play more to maintain the flame in your relationship.
Dating is a game for adults.
For your first date, you go out and have fun. The time you spend together leaves you with the concerns of everyday life. You live pure pleasure without thinking of the next day.
Then you get together.
Everything changes. You stay indoors instead of going out. More time for frivolous things. You are serious now. It is important.
But being too serious denatures relationships.
If you do not give time to pleasure, responsibilities will infiltrate every nook and cranny of your day. They will take over everything. There are so many things you should do. You could be more productive.
But a relationship born of the game can not be fueled only by work.
This is why so many couples like to plan regular “romantic evenings”. They take one evening a week to reconnect with each other.
Lover’s evenings are not the only way to incorporate more play into a relationship. Teasing, laughing and watching entertainment works too.
You can go out dancing, or indulge your inner child by going to mini-golf or an amusement park. You can hide in a hotel fifteen minutes from home for a night of madness. Have fun and forget the worries of your daily life.
A couple of playing together is truly together.
3. Take the time to treat yourself.
Playing is something you do together. The pleasure is just for you.
Rediscover what makes you shine.
You and your partner may not appreciate the same things. The pleasure is individual. Taking time to indulge gives your partner the time to do the same.
Pleasure breaks the routine. He never gets old. Eat a good meal, enjoy a massage, lie in the sun. The pleasure is always new.
Some women learned that taking time to indulge was selfish. This is not true. It is having “time for oneself”.
Enjoying feeds your inner fire. It fulfills your reservations of peace, joy, and satisfaction. By having fun, you will have more to give to others. Your company is nice. And your man will feel privileged to be with such a satisfied woman.
Does it look boring? Not at all. Fill your relationship with play, fun, and satisfaction, and you and your partner will never want to leave.
PS: Here is a “bonus” and infallible technique to bring your man back to you, if the flame were to dissipate in your relationship, or if your man becomes cold and distant.
You’ll be surprised (and relieved) to know how easy it is to resurrect a man’s feelings and give him sparks in his eyes when he looks at you …
I also write an article about how to maintain the flame in your relationship to make a successful marriage: Happiness everlasting. You can check it here.