Some can not stand being alone and others enjoy loneliness. We are all different and yet we like to be together …
We are relational beings and all our lives we seek to relate to others. So, life as a couple can be difficult at times. Some will say “men come from Mars and women from Venus” to such an extent that we come to say that we live on two different planets. That would mean that men who love men and women who love women, get along and understand each other perfectly because they come from the same planet. Here some Tips for a successful marriage.
The happiness and understanding of a couple are valid for all!
Indeed, we have different ways of reacting to things. And if this difference was just the result of different values, different needs, different beliefs, different experiences.
The balance of a couple what is it? I am tempted to tell you there is none. Finally, everyone sets the rules for their couple and each individual is responsible for what he does, what he does not do, his vision of the couple.
Now there are things to know who have healthy relationships, where everyone exists as it is! That’s right, no one has given us the manual of “how to make my couple work”. So we manage as best we can.
- The first essential thing to know about the individual is that everyone is responsible for what he says, does, hears, interprets, condones, refuses …
- The second essential thing is to try to be good with oneself before being good with others.
I want to clarify that this ticket is only my opinion and I do not fall into the generalization.
Back to back
Remember your first date with your loved one. The heart that beats, the butterflies in the belly, we think only of him, we imagine the moment when we will meet each other, the caresses of the beginnings, the game.
Then this first appointment is there and it’s more than perfect, the antics last all night, the next morning breakfast in bed, flowers, we wish to have a good day.
Texts exchanged during the day: “I can not stop thinking about you”, “look forward to seeing you tonight.”
Everyone goes to work and all day revives last night within the lower stomach ants that tickle you and say: “Go more than a few hours! Then the night after it is even more awesome We discover each other, we laugh, we share, the days go by and we settle in.
A month later, there is the first dispute over the purchase of the dining table, because we do not agree on the color,
where I’m coming from Far from me, the idea of reducing a couple’s quarrels to a table color, I’m talking about differences between all human beings, some like blue, others like red … and fortunately we are all different.
The daily settles down, the routine confines us, it is the winter and it is cold outside, not wanting to leave … and yes … one changes!
The individual, according to his environment, his difficulties, his age group, the limits that arise to him, changes. We are in perpetual motion.
So difficult for each other in any relationship to navigate when behavior, reactions change.
There are times when we do not want to talk, to have a drink, to go to the parents-in-law, to dress in “bimbo” to please gentleman, to put a suit for to please the lady, to talk for hours and that is normal, it is to respect oneself, to respect one’s needs.
It is true that often couples rhyme with concessions. It’s not quite that …
The first criterion of a couple’s success is communication
Imagine the number of couples who do not say things, it is doomed to disenchantment! Keep things to yourself while it bothers us and let them boil until the casserole boom! It’s not good. It is true that speaking to speak may not be your solution.
If already, each partner said the things he feels instead of burying them it would be better. It is obvious that if your companion, for example, during a dinner talks to you badly and that it hurts you and that you do not say anything, it is your responsibility. By the unspoken you made him understand that he can act in this way, that you do not have any problem.
He will start again the next time and will not understand your reaction when you tell him “stop doing so”. You’ll spend more time explaining to him what’s bothering you in that attitude when you could have told him right off the bat. He’s probably teasing you by doing this. He * it does not bother him and you “if”.
Another example is that you do not appreciate when your spouse asks you to do things authoritatively. He will do it once, twice, and you will endure it until it irritates you. Finally, one more point that will not play in his favor or in yours.
The consumer society we live in even pushes us to consume human beings. Of course, if there is no love, no more love and you are unhappy, the choices you will have to make will prevail.
Before you get there, get to know each other, say things to be better understood, satisfy your needs, be in agreement with your values …
It is true that today the temptation is present on every corner. Our brains are conditioned, see advertisements where infidelity is omnipresent, pictures of naked men and women posted in the streets, all his studies that show us that people make love at work and that it’s good for productivity. So yes, the temptation is there. Is it because today we want to live everything, listen to his desires, try experiences … each his explanation. It is important in Tips for a successful marriage.
Do not lie, obviously we must take into account the impulses, the attraction, the desire that we have to have an adventure maybe at a time of his life … I take this opportunity to remind that an Envy is ephemeral, once consume what remains?
Now, what prevents you from finding the solution with your spouse that you love, a solution that takes into account the needs of each. At each “obstacle” a solution (minimum).
It is certain that a couple is going through turbulence, so why not learn to accompany them and at first install the bases or reinstall them because it is never too late to change things.
10 Tips for a successful marriage
1- Tell yourself things
It avoids leaving room for the imagination. If I tell him that, he will react like that … The negative imagination is the worst enemy of the individual. It only tortures the mind. Rather talk and know what the other thinks of the situation. “Stop making movies” (you are not a director)
Moreover, to say things to you does not bury emotions, feelings that will torture you every day.
2- Be kind in your answers
Aggressiveness does not lead to anything. If you get annoyed when they tell you something. Ask yourself the question: “What makes it annoy me”
Learn to have a calm and calm speech. Communication is an art. Often the answers depend on the past message and how to say it.
3- Listening to each other
Understand that his feelings are binding only on him and that he is responsible for what he says
- When the other person speaks, you have to know how to listen to him. Moreover, it is important not to take it as a critic and accept that it is up to him to share his feelings. Stop positioning yourself as a victim.
- Listening to others is also: listening to their needs without wanting to impose yours that are different.
Your companion needs (I do not speak of primitives). Need to go out with friends *, it feels good, to take care of the garden. Do not frustrate him by saying that these are not your needs and that it does not deserve to linger.
4- Respect the other
Would you like us not to respect you? Respect is the foundation of Tips for a successful marriage and part of the golden rule for your couple’s success. Respect others as they are, do not judge, criticize.
Let the other life
The other has the right to make mistakes, to make mistakes. It is not because you have had this experience in such a way that the other has to do the same. The advice is good but it does not take into account what the other is. Respect the other in his choices, his desires, his decisions.
Accept that the other is different.
To know how to adapt. If this is unbearable to you, always ask yourself the same question: “What makes it annoy you?” It may send you back to something negative, or perhaps learn to accept the other as he is. And if you are asked to change? Accept that the other does not share the same point of view as you. Also, avoid falling into your wrong and I’m right. Unless you argue about an exact science, everyone has their opinion according to the way it is built, its history, its values, its beliefs.
5- Pull him up, congratulate him, thank him
At the beginning of a relationship we congratulate, we compliment the other then it fades. “Bah … you know it I already told you”. Hearing it is always good and also allows in moments of doubt, questioning, to push the other one a little further. Know that one can count on his half to be encouraged, congratulated (even when they are small things).
If you do not think so, you do not need to compliment. You have to ask the right questions.
Everyone needs recognition. Know how to tell your companion that he is beautiful, that you like him, that you appreciate his way of dressing. Simple things that are good to hear. When we do not take care of the other, he goes elsewhere to find what he does not have at home.
6- Find common solutions
Often the solutions are suitable for one but not the other. In all conflict management, the ideal solution is one that corresponds to both parties equally.
7- Know how to recognize your wrongs and apologize
Nothing worse than bad faith.
8- To know how to say no
It is also the basis of a good relationship. Doing things reluctantly only frustrates you. Take off your head that if you say “no” to another, he will not love you anymore. Love does not mean to bow to all the whims of the other. If the other holds you to the point that you do not agree with him … you may have to dig the “how” of his reaction. It is important in the Tips for a successful marriage.
9- To be good with oneself
Before you commit yourself and be in a relationship with others, find peace and be good to yourself. You have to know how to be alone and not depend on the other.
10- To be surprised at least once a week
When you first started, you could buy a bouquet of flowers, prepare a meal by candlelight, add spice to your antics. What justifies that it is not like that after some time of common life?
To please others is to give them importance. Wow, he did it for me.
I will finish by saying that Tips for a successful marriage is like the rest, it is cultivated. That when one wishes that his couple is balanced, happy, it is necessary to install bases, built on the communication, the sharing, the listening, the respect and the love of course (small advice: the love works by the wave.
When an acute crisis arrives and you feel less love for your companion *, ask yourself the question: what can I do to restart the machine? What can it do for me? love more? tell him what you need, envy).