” Keep the couple alive “, many people are looking for ” miracle recipes ” for this to preserve the “magic”. If this is your case you may be looking for a long time! But, if there are no “recipes” let me, however, make you 5 suggestions to keep your couple alive which, from experience, will be beneficial for you to live and to live happily with your partner.
Beforehand, to answer a question that is often asked to me if there is “an ideal profile of couple”? My answer is always the same: there is not a good model of torque valid for all. The best couple profile is yours, the one that suits you and that you build together. Still, you need to be aware of what constitutes and makes your relationship live. This is a subject that I will discuss extensively in future articles.
Many couples discover that love is fragile and not enough to live happily. It’s not enough to say ” I love you ” to last together. But this is not a fatality! In order for love to gradually die and the couple to disappear, here are five suggestions that are valid for all couples. They are all around the notion of ” respect ” which, I sincerely believe, is paramount in a couple.
My 5 suggestions to keep your couple alive
Suggestion # 1: Respect each other
To respect each other means to respect each one in his individuality. Instead of wanting to ” change the other ” because he (or she) does not like you, do not think like you, do not have the same tastes as you, etc. and that it irritates you to the point of no longer being able to support oneself, start accepting your differences as being “normal”, natural and respect them as such. Your differences are your riches. They are the ones who make your couple live and energize them.
Wanting to change the other in the hope that it looks like you is like wanting to create a relationship with you … I’m really not sure you like it all the time, what do you think? Do you think so perfect that you only love yourself? It takes two to make a couple, it is obvious to say but more difficult to integrate into everyday life …
Suggestion no 2: Respect oneself
It may seem the opposite of the first suggestion but it is not. Indeed, the principle here is to say that one can not love someone other than oneself if one does not love oneself first. How do you want us to love you if you do not love yourself a little bit? I can only know love from the moment I recognize it in myself.
What it means to respect oneself
Respect one’s personal values, one’s own opinions, one’s desires, one’s desires
Respect his body, his image: It is sometimes shocking to see the carelessness in which some people live. Think of the caricatures of the Bidochons for example or the song of Charles Aznavour and his description of the woman “with your curlers on the head, your stockings that fold on your legs … like that you look like your mother! L
Dressing properly is a sign of respect. It is to honor one another. That may be the difference between being married and having an affair: you would never go to an appointment looking like you were getting out of bed and just wearing an old sweater.
In the end, it protects from a very easy excess in the couple: that of becoming too “familiar”, of not having more regard, of consideration towards the other.
Many important points for the harmony of the couple thus come back to keep the limits right, to try to find the right level of familiarity.
Suggestion no 3: Respect your rights
- Equality: respect for the human person, in his nature of being alive. It’s about holding each other for your equal and respecting him as such.
- Freedoms: to live, opinions, tastes, choices,
- Right of veto: that is to say, to have the right to oppose, to say no and to refuse any dependence
- Legal rights: marriage contracts, etc.
- Economic rights: financial, accounting, tax,
Suggestion no 4: Respect one’s duties towards each other
- You heard him say on the day of your marriage: “to love and cherish him throughout your life until death separates you”
- You owe him “Help and assistance”: life is fraught with pitfalls such as illness, accidents, and injuries. It is always comforting to feel supported, surrounded, pampered.
- Loyalty: It is not only about fidelity to the other without an extra-marital relationship, but also of fidelity to the commitment made to each other by marrying, to preserve the relationship, the maintenance of the couple.
Suggestion no 5: Know how to thank
Over time it’s easy not to tell the other that you like it, or “thank you” or “please”. It’s just as easy to forget to tell the other that you are enjoying your presence peacefully. It’s so easy to just do the dishes, turn on the TV, or go back to your important emails.
In our relationship, we take the time to stop and do it. I’m not talking about doing it automatically or doing it when it’s not the time for you, just to reassure your partner. It sounds wrong and gives nothing good. I’m talking about grasping small impulses and following them by saying, “I’m glad you’re here” or “It’s really nice to have breakfast together”, “I feel good with you”. It’s a recognition of the relationship, it works, and it’s a lot of good.
Do not forget the compliments (sincerely obvious): “Thank you for this excellent dinner” … it makes you want to go back to the kitchen and prepare some good dishes that will delight your palate
Mini coaching to go further suggestions to keep your couple alive
Find the ” middle ground ” in the relationship and respect, it starts with listening! Who says “Listen” means to start by keeping quiet! It is a voluntary attitude to be in relation to the other. It is also listening to oneself, internally, not only with one’s head but also with one’s heart and body.
If you are attentive to how you feel, you can see how lively your relationship is. You feel it physically with happiness or suffering!
Listen to what you say, check that you are not denigrating the other person, making fun of him or belittling him.
Something for that: even if you’re talking about something you do not agree with, passionate about or angry with, do not tell him “you did not do that”, “you tell me that, “you do you … The” you “is accusing! It puts you in a position of superiority over the other.
So say rather, “I do not agree with that”, “I do not feel good with that”, “I’m sorry, you see that this way and me that one”. The exchange can continue from a position of equality in which everyone respects the other and will be more inclined to find common ground if need be.